Humor Quotes

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

He who laughs, lasts.

A witty saying proves nothing.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.