Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.